….Serious blog.
Ok, it was nice at first, but now having each girl I talk to say they like me is a bit much. I saw an old friend and added her, and she basically give me the old.
“But how could you thinki would have forgotten you seriously i mean, if i liked you back then why wouldnt i remeber, you know lol”
This is like the 6th one this week alone. Sure, it feels good knowing I’m not a circus freak, but still, I’m not the type of guy to just jump from girl to girl. I like a relationship. And the thing is, I like some of these girls back, but not all. Like the one I quoted, she’s nice and all, but I don’t like her like that. List, I think a list is good.
AC: Friends for a long time, and my two best friends both like her, and one of them is her boyfriend.
BK: Likes me, but got asked out by another guy first.
M: Just met her, but she’s flirting with me quite a bit over myspace. Like a lot. My friend’s ex.
LH: Old crush, yeah, she wants to go out too.
*New* AL: Was friends with her cousin and brother like 5 years ago, sent her a friend invite, now she sends me different invites…
Seven (just counted lol) other random girls: Seven other random girls have sent me messages on myspace (girls from Red Bluff) saying they used to think I was cute and heard I’m single now.
And last but not least….
Elie.
I’ve liked Elie a lot for about 2 years now, maybe 2.5. You know those crushes you have that would be just a dream come true if they liked you back, but you knew it’d never happen? Well, it’s happening to me 
We talked on the phone for close to three hours last night about almost nothing. Usually, when I talk on the phone with a girl for the first time, I hardly talk at all. I just sit there, and say, “Mmhmmm,” a lot. But, when I talked to Elie, it all came so naturally. The entire time, I was sitting there with this smile on my face. My cheeks actually hurt a little after since I was smiling the entire time! She’s sweet, nice, funny, cute, likes the same music as me, very liberal, and so much more. She is just so cute though. This is the girl I fantasized about going out with when I was with Deedra, and that’s saying something since only one other girl got in my mind like that.
But, of course there is a problem with this. Of course there is. She lives down here near Fremont now…..I find this out weeks before I move. If I had found this out about 2 months ago, I would have stayed living here! I like her that much! Argh! She has her dad in RB still who she visits for a weekend every month, but I couldn’t wait for just that! Get out of one long distance relationship just to get in another? I couldn’t. The thing is, this summer, she’ll be up in Red Bluff for like 2-3 months with her Dad. And during this time, I have plans of spending as much time as I can with her.
The talk we had was so great last night though. When she was like,
“Don’t laugh at me, but…..I really like you.”
That was the most awesome thing for me. I mean, I knew she did from the fact that she has been flirting with me constantly for about a week now, but hearing her say the words was awesome. Jeez, I feel like a little kid again. Almost want to giggle. Jebus, this is a great feeling!
But there are some things that get in the way of it though. I don’t see how any of it would work with the distance. This kills me so much to think of that. I mean, sure, there are other girls who are in Red Bluff I can go out with, girls that I like. But this is Elie!
I don’t know. I hate this. I don’t want to settle for someone else, but I also don’t want to have a difficult relationship. I don’t know. This is going to be something on my mind constantly the next few weeks. Argh, just wish Elie would move back to Red Bluff.
The Used. Can you say, "Donkey Erotica"?
I’ve always thought of the Used as a pretty girly little band, but I had always liked the lead singer Bert’s performance and way of singing. Well, I still liked the past two albums. I don’t care, I did. This new album though…it’s horrible. I won’t go to far into it, but the fact that the chorus in one song is, “Liar liar, pants on fire” is a clear sign that they are running out of ideas.
Disappointed? Or Proud? You decide.
So, I smoke sometimes. Yeah.
Cigars.
I can’t stand cigarettes. I had a few over break when I took them from my brother (who also smokes now), but they are horrible and I never smoke them. Yet, a good cigar tends to relax me and I feel good.
I have not once smoked in Fremont. I never had the means of buying them….by that, I meant I had the willpower to not walk into the nice, sexy, tobacco store down the street. But when I go home, I have my truck to drive down to the gas station and get one (white owl cigar). Well, during the break (4 days), I smoked about 8 cigars, and about 6-7 cigarettes.
Sad?
Are my readers disappointed with me? You should be. But what can I say, I like to smoke cigars sometimes.
Is around 11 cigars in 8 months bad? Is that a habit? I don’t think so personally. But I am getting a little worried that I may start doing it more once I move back. Hince, this blog.
I decided that I’m not going to stop totally, I don’t care enough. I think a single smoke every few weeks is not horrible. One a week I know would turn into 2 a week, than 2 a day, and etc. So, I won’t do that. I already decided that I won’t ever smoke another reefer or cigarette again, so that’s a good step.
Last time I smoked pot: November 05′
Last time I smoked a cigarette: August 28th 07′
Last time I smoked a cigar: July 30th 07′
There. Now, lecture me all you please.
Sneak peak
This is a sneak peek of a story of mine going into the Harbinger Issue 2.
“Sitting on a black futon couch, my brother sitting only inches away from me. The both of us on our laptops. I’m sitting there staring at my laptop background (a wallpaper made from a Nine Inch Nails video) just hoping for a bit of e-socialization. One of those pings indicating a new e-mail or instant message. One of those alerts on myspace saying I have some sort of message. A choppy song from my cell phone. Anything. I was desperate for something, anything. Yet, through all this, I sat there, and stared at my desktop. I sat there awaiting some sort of socialization, though, I initiated nothing.
My brother tells about some sort of cowboy party out on some property. I say no. I want socialization, but a different socialization. I was desperate, but not totally desperate. So, I sit and stare yet again.
Refresh myspace. Check my cellphone. Refresh myspace again. Check to make sure I’m online with instant messaging. Refresh myspace. Check my cellphone to see if the ringer is on. Refresh myspace. Then I hear a ping. A faint ping. It’s an instant message!
Yet, it’s from my brother, who is sitting but inches away from me. It says, “Don’t be a douchebag, come to the party with me.” Like me, my brother is only visiting town for a short time. Like me, he is equally desperate for the same socialization. (Checks cellphone). The desperation for a thing to do with our lives at that very moment. My brother is different than me though. He is one who will take any sort of socialization. I am a shy person in meeting new people. (Refresh myspace). I would be more willing to sit and stare, than socialize with people I don’t know. Apparently my desperation is lower than I had imagined.
(Checks e-mail) I tell him I won’t. He continues to talk to me about it. I say no. I sit and stare again. It has been an hour. (Refresh myspace). I start to think, “Do I really not want to go to this party?” I really do. The thing is, I knew my brother too well. He runs from group to group and knows everyone. I like to sit with a few friends. I’m content with that. Contentment is a good feeling.
(Refresh myspace) I ask my brother who will be at the party. He says nobody I know. I return to staring. I hear a ping. Again it’s my brother, who is close enough that he has his foot resting on my calf. He says, “Cute girls there.” This brings my attention up. I’m a fan of girls. Yet, I send a instant message right back to him saying, “So what.” What am I doing to myself? I start to think that I’m sabotaging myself. I want to learn to socialize better. I want to make friends. I want to do something. Yet, I say no.
(Refresh myspace) A ping rings through my ears. “Come on,” Comes up on my screen in a small black font. That same black font that synonymously goes with online socialization. Yet, tonight, I’m associating it to closely with happiness. Will I really be happy if it comes onto my screen? The answer is yes.
(Checks cellphone) I realize that what I’m doing is fruitless. I tell my brother that I will go with him if someone I know will go. He gives me a simple, “Ok.” I feel like I have just taken a large step towards something, yet, 10 minutes later, I’m still staring and doing nothing.
(Refresh myspace) I sit. I mope. I slouch. I meander on the edge of apathy. I hear a choppy bit of music erupt from my pocket.
It was my friend. Him and his girlfriend want to hang out after he drops off his sister. What do I feel? I feel luck. I was about to give in and just lay down. I was thinking about how pathetic I was being. How desperation was only going to a point before meeting up with apathy.
I have my night. I have my socialization. Am I happy now? More than anything.”
Got poked
So, saturday, I went to Nathan’s Tattooing in Redding, CA to get something on my body poked. I didn’t know what yet, but it was happening. Had been thinking about it for a while, and tried last time I had cash, but had a bit lip, so didn’t get my lip done. This time, my brother called and asked how much it cost.
I misheard him and thought he said 64$, but he said 46$. So, I went for a cheaper poking. I got 10 gauge ears. I like them, and they are fine now. I’ll get my lip in 3 weeks when I move back.
Anyways, Nathan’s Tattooing in Redding is amazing. I recommend them.
Update on "Dangst"
So, she signed off IM, and was about to leave the house, when her dad walked in and asked where she was going. Caught. Damn. So she signs back on and says, “I got caught, won’t be able to try again either.”
At least we tried.
It sucks though, she’s such a cute cute girl, and I’ve had the crushies (you heard me Mike) on her for ages. When we used to hang out, she had a boyfriend, and she would always talk to me about him and whether or not she should break up with him or not over things. Well, apparently, that whole time, she was really just seeing if I would go out with her if she left him. Dang. I’m horrible at picking up hints from girls. So so so horrible. I wish I had picked up on that. I wish so much.
Truthfully, I think that she is the best looking girl I’ve ever had a chance with (well, that I liked back). Best thing is, she’s a really cool girl who is totally fun to hang out with.
I hope that she comes back to town again after I move back, I really want to hang out with her again.
Jeez, it’s been ages since I’ve flirted with a girl and been flirted with back, forgot how great it feels. I guess when you’re in a relationship for as long as I was, you get comfortable.
I’m glad that I know I at least have a chance with her though lol. It is pretty disappointing that we didn’t get to hang out though. Even if we just sat around and talked, I would have been totally happy with it. I’m not the kind of guy who would date a girl just for the physical parts, not at all. Truthfully, I would have trouble doing a one-night stand, just not that type of guy I guess. But since I’ve known Elie for so long, I was really looking forward to having a fun make-out time with her I guess lol.
I mean, I’ve always had girls be forward with me in the past (I mean really forward with some), but never really accepted it. But certain girls, I can’t help it, you know? Still, I’ve only ever kissed one girl in my life.
Anyways, there’s my night. Got my hopes up for a fun time with an old friend I’ve missed, and then got them shot right back down lol. I’m done for now than. Can’t think of anyone else to talk to or hang out with. I guess I’m done for the weekend socially. It’s ok though, just 3 more weeks until I’m back for good.
-Gary
More dangst in a bean cup
I’m leaving Red Bluff to go back to Fremont in the afternoon. It feels bad. I don’t want to go back. I loved this visit. I got to see friends, and I got to see my sister drunk off her ass (actually, she was drunk and on her ass in the dirt most the time). I got to be with my brother, who really is one of my best friends. I went to my first “cowboy” party (you know, bonfires, guns, cowboy hats, country music, and a lot of whiskey) out in the boondocks. Played guitar hero from 3:30am to around 6am with friends on saturday.
I just don’t want to go back to sitting in my room like a hermit. I had forgotten how fun it is to go out and do things. *sigh* I guess I can’t help it, I can wait another 3 weeks until I move back permanent, but I just don’t want to. Hate it.
Dangst
So, girl I liked last year, Elie, I find her on myspace and start talking to her. She moved to santa cruz apparently, so that sucks. But, same weekend I’m in Red Bluff, so is she. We are both on myspace IM pretty much trying to get eachother to sneak out and hang out (mind you, it’s 2:30am).
“yeah i know
So, do you have a boyfriend back in SC?
yeah but he is being an ass hole i dont like him much
That sucks
yeah i dont know what his problem is hes fucked up
Than dump him lol, usually a good idea with that
yeah i guess so but he wont let me
he’ll just say no and act like nothing is wrong or he’ll make me feel like shit
that’s so fucked up elie
yeah i know need some one thats actually nice
I’m sorry Really wish I could help you
You deserve a nice guy
well ……………………………………. u could help”
Yeah, I’m liking how this conversation is progressing. I’ll still understand if she can’t come hang out, but dang it’ll suck.
Old friends
So, I found an old friend on myspace the other day. About two years ago, we used to hang out as friends a lot. I always thought she was cute, but she went out with my older brother, so couldn’t do anything about that. Like, even after they broke up, and I found out she kinda liked me, I still would have felt so dirty going out with her right after my brother had, my brother is like my best friend.
Either way, now that I’m moving back, and my brother is in NC and relatively over it, I think I’m free. Once I get back, I think I’ll take her to a movie. I don’t think it’ll get more than just friends, but still, I still want to. Plus, she’s just such a fun friend.
I’m kinda trying to get back together with old friends I lost a while ago. Even though I don’t like to think it, I lost a lot of friends when I got my girlfriend. I just wanted to spend more time with her and got out of contact with everyone. A lot of my friends were girls though, so that was also part of it. I would have felt bad still hanging out with certain girls when I had Deedra. Well, now I can try and get in contact with them again.
There are a few certain friends I really want to start hanging out with again.
Lena
Brianna
Ashley
Nathan
Caitlin
Adam
Alex
Sean
Kevin
Jaridann
Zech
Kris
Can finally get back together with my old friends, hope it’s as easy as I hope.
Work Woes.
I just don’t care about my work anymore. I remember when I felt this way about my old job when I was about to quit. I brought my gameboy to work, slept on my patrols, hung out in the break room and talked to regular employees, and actually watched dvds a few times with the other guard.
The only reason I think I’m going to keep working the best I can now at work even though I’m putting in my two week, is that I respect my boss (Frank, not his wife) at least a little. He does most the same work us regular employees do and he’s there all day most everyday. Yet, I still don’t care much anymore. I’m not going to stress about learning new things or anything like that anymore. Just meh.
What am I going to do….
Why does bad shit always have to happen. Things might not be going the best, but they are going well enough to get you through life. But then something always has to happen to really ruin it. Not just happy days of joy, but just your plans of life in general.
I had planned to move back to Red Bluff and live with my mom for a few months before I get a job to get an apartment. I have about 1100 in the bank sitting there for the soul reason of getting an apartment. I won’t use it for anything else. Well guess what? Shit happened.
My mom is on disability for severe depression, has been my whole life. We have always just barely gotten by. When we moved to Red Bluff when I was about 8-9, we moved into my great grandparents house to take care of it (great grandfather just died, and my great grandmother was in a nursing home after a sever stroke). There was no rent since they had built it back in the 10’s to 20’s. We had our own well, so no water bill. Only real bill was the phone and electric, and those are small. Well, after a few years, my grandmother finally passed on. A while after this, we find out my uncle (one in charge of their finances) put off putting the house in my mother’s mother’s name. So that never happened. Because of this, the government said he had to sell the house and give them the money. He said we had about 5 years to sell it and get out. Well, about 2 years later, we have an eviction notice taped to the door, that if we don’t get out in 3 days, a sheriff will make us.
My mom had no clue what to do, my uncle said we could stay in it for 5 more years before they could sell it, but he lied. He also would not reply to our calls or any of my whole families’ calls. My mom was just asking if he could wait until the end of the month when she got her check, but he wouldn’t even let us contact him. We had to pack our things and get out. My entire family gave us money to get a place then. My mom got an apartment for us. I moved a month later to Fremont. While here, my mother moved again to a cheaper place. In fact, the cheapest place she was able to find.
Well, since then, my dad cut off my part of the child support. After paying the bills, and buying the cheapest food she could, my mom usually has about 20-40 dollars left. Before my dad cut it off, she was getting 400$ a month, now she’ll get 100$ a month. I don’t see how my mom will be able to do it. Getting 400 a month, she had 20-40$ left, now she’s getting 100 a month from him. I just don’t know.
I was planning on moving in with her when I got back, but I could never do that now. I can’t put that on her shoulders too. I could easily move in with my father in Redding (about 45 minutes north of Red Bluff), but after him doing this, I don’t want to be that close to him.
So, this leaves me with a new option.
I get to sleep around at people’s houses and in my truck, and maybe crash at my mom’s house every once in a while. Once I get a job, I’ll be better off, but not much. I have the money now to put a deposit down for a crappy apartment, but I don’t have the income to pay rent after that. So I’ll be sleeping where I can while trying to get a job. Once I do that, I’ll get a place.
I would really like to get a roommate to help with the rent, if I did, I could get a place right away I think. I don’t know, this will take some careful shit to get right.
Can you tell just how much I hate living here in Fremont? I’m willing to be homeless just to move away.
Know your 2008 Presidential Candidates.
Well, I’m always looking at the candidates for 2008 recently, and I came across a relatively neutral site that will tell you all sorts of information on all the candidates.
One feature is that you can see all of the candidates views on each separate issue.
http://www.ontheissues.org/default.htm
Click on that link and scroll down a little. You’ll see the issues links. Click on the one you care about, and it will show you a lot of information for each candidate’s views on that issue.
Examples:
Abortion:
Hillary Clinton:
Remain vigilant on a woman’s right to chose
Jeb Bush:
Restrict abortions to incest, rape, & health
Civil Rights:
Hillary Clinton:
Gays deserve domestic partnership benefits.
Human rights are women’s rights.
Jeb Bush:
No hate-crimes status for gays; no gay marriag
Gay rights & feminism are “modern victim movements”.
Things like that. They also have the full quotes for each bit of information. There is a lot more information for each issue (formed in easy to read lists), and you can find them at that site. Every presidential candidate can be found on there, even some people who we don’t know if they will be running yet (like Gore or Nader).
So, if you want to know which candidate to support, this site is a good start for you.
Sooo, what to do?
I’m torn. I have really, nothing much to do now. I’m done with school for the week, and don’t really have homework. I have some english thing, but it’s a 15 minute assignment I’ll do later. I kinda feel like just going to sleep, but I have work later today. Good thing is, I don’t have work this weekend, so I get to sit around and sleep in, and take naps, and write, and just be lazy and do what I want to do.
Feel good about that I guess, but not really. Boredom makes me sit and think, and thinking makes me depressed usually…
Maybe I’ll work on the access project I have due in a month. It’s kinda big, so might as well.
I could also start to layout some of the Harbinger Issue 2. I haven’t done a single thing to it for this issue yet. For the layout I mean. All I have to do really is just throw the stories in. Last month, I had to layout and make sure that the whole thing worked right, don’t have to do that this time thankfully.
Arghh-geh-geh-geh
So, was at work from 8-10 tonight. Was going to talk to my boss about the whole 2 week notice, buuuut, he was walking out the door as I walked up to the store. So damn.
Other than that, work was lame. Me trying to make friend with the people there is going lame-er-ly. It’s hard to make friends with people when they are all already friends. The 4 employees have all known and worked with each other for like at least a year each, and I’m just the newcomer who is trying to shove his way in. I’m friendly to them, they are friendly to me, yet, I’m excluded from their little circle.
When nothing is happening in the store, I’ll go stand over with them and such, but be kinda ignored you know? And sometimes they’ll do the friendly,
“SOOooooo, how’s it going?”
and I’ll say, “It’s going pretty good. Kinda tired, but pretty good. How about you?”
And I’ll get the, “Same.” Then they go back to their little thing.
It sucks. One girl, Fumei (fuu-may), is pretty nice and will talk to me and stuff when it’s just us two, but when others are there, it’s off to them. I mean, I’m not thinking they are jerks, the very opposite, they are very nice. It’s just hard to break into a circle of people. I’m only going to be there for a few more weeks, but still, it gets lonely there, you know?
I hate idiots….
Oh jeez, I am hurting right now from holding in laughing. This guy next to me is such a dipshit. I wonder how some of these idiots get in to fucking college. Ok, the in class work is so basic. All you do is copy what the Professor is doing on the screen. He goes slowly for the most part. I mean, I’m following along while writing this blog. Come ON. This guy is slamming his mouse down and acting like a little kid because the Professor won’t stop a full course to help just him. It’s a big class.
It’s required to have a flashdrive in this class. REQUIRED. This was said the first week. This same guy has the same problem each and every week. He attempts to get the in class work off the common drive each week. I’ve personally explained to him that our class work continues each week from the assignment the week before, and getting the original work each week is pointless. It’d be like doing all the past work each week all over. You HAVE to save it each week to your flashdrive. This guy is so dumb. He basically whines and has tantrums about it.
I want to slap him. I want to slap him HARD. I was in a group with some idiots in this course earlier in the semester, and got out of it fast so that I could get a good grade doing it alone. That same idiot from before just asked me if he could join my group.
….Ok, We have three parts to the project, two have already been finished and turned in by the entire class. He basically wants credit for the work I did. I am usually really nice, but fuck that. If this guy had just started late and was willing to work, I’d help the guy out, but fuck him. He’s a free-loading, lazy, idiot. I said (without even taking my eyes off my computer screen),
“Yeah….that’s not going to happen.”
I’ve never been that much of an ass to a stranger until now lol.
The idiot will fail. Do I care? Nope. He deserves to. If you don’t do your work—not even that, if you don’t even TRY to do your work, you deserve to fail. Think about 5 years from now, when this guy is working. Oh jeez, even if he worked at Burger King, he’d somehow manage to cause an explosion.
Job
So, my job is lame. I’m in training right now.
When I first started about 5 weeks ago, they were like, “Mistakes are fine, you learn from mistakes.” And well, I made my fair share in the first two weeks. Forgetting the exact ingredients in a cappuccino blast, etc, etc. Well, the past 3 weeks, I’ve made like 3 mistakes. One, put 3 scoops of ice cream in a medium shake instead of 4 (really, you can hardly even tell). Two, I mop front to back instead of side to side (no fucking clue why that matters, but he gets pissed off about it). Three, when doing an order for a party of about 8, all with weird orders, I forgot to ring up a single 85 cent topping. I was surprised I only forgot that much. They were ordering things like, “I want a banana split, but only two whip cream, four scoops, and 3 cherries.” I have to change the entire pricing for that kinda of thing. The thing is, I remembered the topping last minute and added it in the register, so I technically didn’t forget it.
Anyways, because of that last thing with the topping, my bosses wife Sharri (who, btw, has no fucking clue about anything in the store), says that if I keep making these dozens and dozens of mistakes, she’ll have to let me go. I’m like, “….I’ve made like three the past 3 weeks, and I’m still a trainee, I think that’s pretty good.” She was like, “You forget a 85 cent topping, and that takes away 45 cents of MY profit!” I told her that I remembered it, just took me a few seconds longer, and that she didn’t lose shit.
Yeah, she was mad because there was a chance she’d lose 45 cents.
Yeah.
So, I was going to give a month notice of quitting to move back to Red Bluff, and then leave in June, but I’ll just tell them now, and say, “If you want to fire me, go for it, but since I gave notice, and you’re firing me after, you’re going to have to pay me for the rest of the work I have scheduled for this pay period.”
I’m usually a nice guy who respects everyone, but if you don’t give me respect, I have no reason to give it back to you.
The funny thing is, while she was talking to me about possibly firing me, I was smiling and a cute mexican girl was giving me the eye. So it wasn’t totally bad.
Confuggled.
It’s weird. Was in a serious relationship for almost two years, before it ended about 3 weeks ago. It still feels strange you know? Little things. Like, I have a crush on another girl now and everything, and I don’t know, haven’t felt that in a while.
But it’s strange. I still love my ex, in fact, she left me, so I still had feelings for her. So that’s what makes it weird. Loving one person only for a while, and then, BAM, that can’t happen anymore.
This girl Brianna, I’ve liked her for about, oh jeez, 3 years now? Since I was a sophomore in high school I think, so almost 4 years I guess. Two years ago, before I met my ex, I was too shy and self-concious to ever ask her out, or for her number or anything. Now that I’m single, it feels weird to know that I can. I’ve never been experienced with the whole dating thing. With my ex, it all just fell together. She liked me, I liked her, it was obvious and simple. With Brianna, it feels different.
Now it just feels like I have to really try. I don’t know what I’m supposed to try at though. I’ve only dated my ex, and another girl for about two weeks before that. I barely know what to do. I’ve called her once now, and I think I did ok, but I have no clue. I talk to her on myspace, but how is a person supposed to know how one is feeling through text? Easy with some people, difficult with others.
As far as I know, she adores me, and is just shy about it. Or, she really hates me. The latter is less likely since she’ll talk to me too, but still, I just don’t have a clue.
Argh! I hate being clueless. I almost just want to call her and say, “Wanna go on a date?” But I can’t! It’s so different for me right now.
She lives in my old town, and I live in a new town. I’m moving back in June, but still. I can’t exactly say, “Hey, want to see a movie? I’ll just have to drive 400 miles north and meet you there.” Argh. I don’t want to start anything until I move back, but I don’t don’t want to!
Dammit!
So confuggled…..
This isn’t even the worst part. She has a new boyfriend now. Bam. That’s what I get for being here and not there to ask her out. But the thing is, it’s still really new, so I’m not really feeling any reason to back off with it. I’m not going to straight ask her out while she’s dating another guy, but I will tell her how I feel. But damn, I feel like a dick for that.
I don’t know. Even though I really like her, a lot, I guess I should just give it up. I mean, she has a boyfriend, though it might not be serious, and as far as I know, she might even prefer me. Or, she never liked me as anything more than a friend. Who knows. Not me. She does, but I don’t.
Basically, I think I’m going to call her again and hope I get her by herself, and not with others. Might get a better feeling of my chances. I’m just so damn awkward on the phone….
Why can’t this be like middle school where I could send her a note that says, “I like you, if you like me, circle ‘yes.’” Damn. I would love that.
Argh…
Heidi-chan
I met this girl Heidi, from Arizona, back in November or December of 2006. She was the sister of my roommate’s friend. Well, we’ve talked a lot since then, and become really great friends. It’s kinda cool since neither of us have any of that kind of “interest” in the other, so it’s a totally unthreatening friendship. I have very few people I can really genuinely talk to: my mom, my friend Adam, and Heidi.
It’s a strange relationship though, since really, we mainly use each other for therapy. If she has a problem, she’ll vent to me, and vice versa. Past few weeks, it’s been seeming like it’s been mainly my talking, and her listening though, and I’ve felt kinda bad about that. I’ve had a lot of shit happening to me though, and I guess I’ve just not realized that other people have problems too. So, been asking her about anything she needs to talk about and such as well. Really, it’s always been mainly me talking.
Like I said, strange friendship I guess lol, but I truly love it. She’s a great friend I will sadly never meet in person.
