Confuggled.
It’s weird. Was in a serious relationship for almost two years, before it ended about 3 weeks ago. It still feels strange you know? Little things. Like, I have a crush on another girl now and everything, and I don’t know, haven’t felt that in a while.
But it’s strange. I still love my ex, in fact, she left me, so I still had feelings for her. So that’s what makes it weird. Loving one person only for a while, and then, BAM, that can’t happen anymore.
This girl Brianna, I’ve liked her for about, oh jeez, 3 years now? Since I was a sophomore in high school I think, so almost 4 years I guess. Two years ago, before I met my ex, I was too shy and self-concious to ever ask her out, or for her number or anything. Now that I’m single, it feels weird to know that I can. I’ve never been experienced with the whole dating thing. With my ex, it all just fell together. She liked me, I liked her, it was obvious and simple. With Brianna, it feels different.
Now it just feels like I have to really try. I don’t know what I’m supposed to try at though. I’ve only dated my ex, and another girl for about two weeks before that. I barely know what to do. I’ve called her once now, and I think I did ok, but I have no clue. I talk to her on myspace, but how is a person supposed to know how one is feeling through text? Easy with some people, difficult with others.
As far as I know, she adores me, and is just shy about it. Or, she really hates me. The latter is less likely since she’ll talk to me too, but still, I just don’t have a clue.
Argh! I hate being clueless. I almost just want to call her and say, “Wanna go on a date?” But I can’t! It’s so different for me right now.
She lives in my old town, and I live in a new town. I’m moving back in June, but still. I can’t exactly say, “Hey, want to see a movie? I’ll just have to drive 400 miles north and meet you there.” Argh. I don’t want to start anything until I move back, but I don’t don’t want to!
Dammit!
So confuggled…..
This isn’t even the worst part. She has a new boyfriend now. Bam. That’s what I get for being here and not there to ask her out. But the thing is, it’s still really new, so I’m not really feeling any reason to back off with it. I’m not going to straight ask her out while she’s dating another guy, but I will tell her how I feel. But damn, I feel like a dick for that.
I don’t know. Even though I really like her, a lot, I guess I should just give it up. I mean, she has a boyfriend, though it might not be serious, and as far as I know, she might even prefer me. Or, she never liked me as anything more than a friend. Who knows. Not me. She does, but I don’t.
Basically, I think I’m going to call her again and hope I get her by herself, and not with others. Might get a better feeling of my chances. I’m just so damn awkward on the phone….
Why can’t this be like middle school where I could send her a note that says, “I like you, if you like me, circle ‘yes.’” Damn. I would love that.
Argh…
