Job Hunting
I haven’t been on much since the last summer. Just random blogs here and there. It’s because I’ve been so caught up in other things.
In the summer, I had just school and a simple part time job. I had no big bills aside from my 50$ phone bill each month.
I didn’t have difficult classes, and I didn’t have a major social life.
Just enough of everything to be content.
Then after the summer, I moved back to my hometown, and things got messy. There was the apartment thing, then the job search thing, then the losing of the said apartment the same week I got the job, then the quitting of the job to move to Redding, then the search a new job while doing class work on subjects that are more difficult, and throw on losing two girlfriends in that time….and that’s why I haven’t been content enough to write much.
Oh, I’ve written a lot, but not much in this type of blog context. It’s all been journals, stories, screenplays, poetry, songs, etc.
Anyways, I hope I’ll continue to write here. I still check on comments and comment back to everything, but I just don’t have the time I used to have, which sucks, since I love blogging.
-Gary
Work is for the weak! …Mainly when you’re scooping ice cream for kids.
Giving my two week notice today for work…Wow, I suck at that kind of thing. My old job, they just got me so mad at everything, that I just walked in and dropped my uniform in a chair and said, “Yeah, I’m here to quit,” with a big smile.
For Baskin Robbins though, I don’t have a real beef with the place. My boss Frank is an ok guy. He’s over-bearing, a hypocrite, and cynical, but he isn’t that bad (his wife on the other hand…). I can’t just walk in and give a big ole’ “Fuck you” smile and quit, I want to do it nicely, ya know? I don’t even know what to say, or do. How’s this?
“Uh. Uhm. Hi Frank.”
“HI GARY! YOU GO CHANGE AND GET READY FOR WORK.”
“Uhm, actually I need to give my two week notice.”
“WHY YOU QUIT?”
“Uhm. I’m going to be moving in about two weeks.”
“*SIGH* OK GARY. YOU GO WORK”
How’s that look? I think that’s how I’ll do it. Fuck, nervous. I suck at confrontation.
Confuggled.
It’s weird. Was in a serious relationship for almost two years, before it ended about 3 weeks ago. It still feels strange you know? Little things. Like, I have a crush on another girl now and everything, and I don’t know, haven’t felt that in a while.
But it’s strange. I still love my ex, in fact, she left me, so I still had feelings for her. So that’s what makes it weird. Loving one person only for a while, and then, BAM, that can’t happen anymore.
This girl Brianna, I’ve liked her for about, oh jeez, 3 years now? Since I was a sophomore in high school I think, so almost 4 years I guess. Two years ago, before I met my ex, I was too shy and self-concious to ever ask her out, or for her number or anything. Now that I’m single, it feels weird to know that I can. I’ve never been experienced with the whole dating thing. With my ex, it all just fell together. She liked me, I liked her, it was obvious and simple. With Brianna, it feels different.
Now it just feels like I have to really try. I don’t know what I’m supposed to try at though. I’ve only dated my ex, and another girl for about two weeks before that. I barely know what to do. I’ve called her once now, and I think I did ok, but I have no clue. I talk to her on myspace, but how is a person supposed to know how one is feeling through text? Easy with some people, difficult with others.
As far as I know, she adores me, and is just shy about it. Or, she really hates me. The latter is less likely since she’ll talk to me too, but still, I just don’t have a clue.
Argh! I hate being clueless. I almost just want to call her and say, “Wanna go on a date?” But I can’t! It’s so different for me right now.
She lives in my old town, and I live in a new town. I’m moving back in June, but still. I can’t exactly say, “Hey, want to see a movie? I’ll just have to drive 400 miles north and meet you there.” Argh. I don’t want to start anything until I move back, but I don’t don’t want to!
Dammit!
So confuggled…..
This isn’t even the worst part. She has a new boyfriend now. Bam. That’s what I get for being here and not there to ask her out. But the thing is, it’s still really new, so I’m not really feeling any reason to back off with it. I’m not going to straight ask her out while she’s dating another guy, but I will tell her how I feel. But damn, I feel like a dick for that.
I don’t know. Even though I really like her, a lot, I guess I should just give it up. I mean, she has a boyfriend, though it might not be serious, and as far as I know, she might even prefer me. Or, she never liked me as anything more than a friend. Who knows. Not me. She does, but I don’t.
Basically, I think I’m going to call her again and hope I get her by herself, and not with others. Might get a better feeling of my chances. I’m just so damn awkward on the phone….
Why can’t this be like middle school where I could send her a note that says, “I like you, if you like me, circle ‘yes.’” Damn. I would love that.
Argh…
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
My roommate can be a douchebag. He’s racist, egocentric, elitist, overly religious (sometimes), sexist, bigot, and homophobic.
Thing is though, he’s probably one of the better roommates here I could have really. He’s clean, he’s respectful of my space and things, it’s fun to talk to him when he’s not acting like the Derek I hate. Like, we have millions of inside jokes. Around 80% of what we talk about are inside jokes.
“Bean cup”
“Likin’ it like Lycanthrope.”
“Toooo late”
“Potatooo”
“Prom Night Dumpster Baby”
“Bilson Beating”
“En da da da da”
All classics. I just wish he wasn’t such a dick the other part of the time. I’d actually be able to be a really good friend with him. But, people have personality flaws. I have them. Most of the time, I’m a totally nice guy, but I can be a total dick too. I’m a hypocrite at times, I tend to see my views as better than others just because I can argue them better, and I can be overly sensitive.
So I’m not just bashing on Derek, because really, he’s a great guy and an all around decent roommate. In all actuality, he’s one of the best roommates at this dorm I bet. It’s just, you don’t really know what kind of flaws a person has until you live with them. But, you also see the good parts of people. Just when you see someone when they are in their own environment, you see the good and the bad. I personally deal with the bad in my roommate by writing about it. If he’s being a dick, I tend to do the, “Mmhmm” and sit at my desk. I’m not going to get in his face about it, what good would that do? I’m just trying to learn to deal with personality flaws in people while figuring out my own.
Past two days
I’ve watched thus far, 40 episodes of the anime Bleach. I really haven’t had anything else to do. I called Brianna, and that went well, since she seemed happy I called. I called Godaddy.com and they didn’t even pick up….I called several times. I’m getting really annoyed at that shit. I’m going to try again later tonight.
Really, had a decent past two days.
Wow….
I’m feeling so nervous right now. Been egging myself on to call Brianna all week. I knew I’d be alone all weekend, so I was going to do it saturday. Saturday is here and I’m feeling nervous as hell. I just wish I had the guts to just call.
I sat there for about 20 minutes staring at my cell in bed….then I fell asleep. I woke up an hour later and now I really need to call. If I don’t I’m going to hate myself.
Dammit, this part is always so damn hard…..
