Work is for the weak! …Mainly when you’re scooping ice cream for kids.
Giving my two week notice today for work…Wow, I suck at that kind of thing. My old job, they just got me so mad at everything, that I just walked in and dropped my uniform in a chair and said, “Yeah, I’m here to quit,” with a big smile.
For Baskin Robbins though, I don’t have a real beef with the place. My boss Frank is an ok guy. He’s over-bearing, a hypocrite, and cynical, but he isn’t that bad (his wife on the other hand…). I can’t just walk in and give a big ole’ “Fuck you” smile and quit, I want to do it nicely, ya know? I don’t even know what to say, or do. How’s this?
“Uh. Uhm. Hi Frank.”
“HI GARY! YOU GO CHANGE AND GET READY FOR WORK.”
“Uhm, actually I need to give my two week notice.”
“WHY YOU QUIT?”
“Uhm. I’m going to be moving in about two weeks.”
“*SIGH* OK GARY. YOU GO WORK”
How’s that look? I think that’s how I’ll do it. Fuck, nervous. I suck at confrontation.
Did I make a mistake……
I called Deedra just now. I told her I was going to be going out with Elie. Deedra is really upset now. I hate it. Deedra is my best friend, only Adam and like two others even come close, now I don’t think she’s going to want to be. I tried talking to her about something else after, and she was like, “Just no. I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you someday than I guess.”
Fuck, this sucks.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told her, but it’s the right thing to do. I didn’t want her to find out second hand. I’d want her to tell me at least.
Dammit.
….Serious blog.
Ok, it was nice at first, but now having each girl I talk to say they like me is a bit much. I saw an old friend and added her, and she basically give me the old.
“But how could you thinki would have forgotten you seriously i mean, if i liked you back then why wouldnt i remeber, you know lol”
This is like the 6th one this week alone. Sure, it feels good knowing I’m not a circus freak, but still, I’m not the type of guy to just jump from girl to girl. I like a relationship. And the thing is, I like some of these girls back, but not all. Like the one I quoted, she’s nice and all, but I don’t like her like that. List, I think a list is good.
AC: Friends for a long time, and my two best friends both like her, and one of them is her boyfriend.
BK: Likes me, but got asked out by another guy first.
M: Just met her, but she’s flirting with me quite a bit over myspace. Like a lot. My friend’s ex.
LH: Old crush, yeah, she wants to go out too.
*New* AL: Was friends with her cousin and brother like 5 years ago, sent her a friend invite, now she sends me different invites…
Seven (just counted lol) other random girls: Seven other random girls have sent me messages on myspace (girls from Red Bluff) saying they used to think I was cute and heard I’m single now.
And last but not least….
Elie.
I’ve liked Elie a lot for about 2 years now, maybe 2.5. You know those crushes you have that would be just a dream come true if they liked you back, but you knew it’d never happen? Well, it’s happening to me 
We talked on the phone for close to three hours last night about almost nothing. Usually, when I talk on the phone with a girl for the first time, I hardly talk at all. I just sit there, and say, “Mmhmmm,” a lot. But, when I talked to Elie, it all came so naturally. The entire time, I was sitting there with this smile on my face. My cheeks actually hurt a little after since I was smiling the entire time! She’s sweet, nice, funny, cute, likes the same music as me, very liberal, and so much more. She is just so cute though. This is the girl I fantasized about going out with when I was with Deedra, and that’s saying something since only one other girl got in my mind like that.
But, of course there is a problem with this. Of course there is. She lives down here near Fremont now…..I find this out weeks before I move. If I had found this out about 2 months ago, I would have stayed living here! I like her that much! Argh! She has her dad in RB still who she visits for a weekend every month, but I couldn’t wait for just that! Get out of one long distance relationship just to get in another? I couldn’t. The thing is, this summer, she’ll be up in Red Bluff for like 2-3 months with her Dad. And during this time, I have plans of spending as much time as I can with her.
The talk we had was so great last night though. When she was like,
“Don’t laugh at me, but…..I really like you.”
That was the most awesome thing for me. I mean, I knew she did from the fact that she has been flirting with me constantly for about a week now, but hearing her say the words was awesome. Jeez, I feel like a little kid again. Almost want to giggle. Jebus, this is a great feeling!
But there are some things that get in the way of it though. I don’t see how any of it would work with the distance. This kills me so much to think of that. I mean, sure, there are other girls who are in Red Bluff I can go out with, girls that I like. But this is Elie!
I don’t know. I hate this. I don’t want to settle for someone else, but I also don’t want to have a difficult relationship. I don’t know. This is going to be something on my mind constantly the next few weeks. Argh, just wish Elie would move back to Red Bluff.
Sneak peak
This is a sneak peek of a story of mine going into the Harbinger Issue 2.
“Sitting on a black futon couch, my brother sitting only inches away from me. The both of us on our laptops. I’m sitting there staring at my laptop background (a wallpaper made from a Nine Inch Nails video) just hoping for a bit of e-socialization. One of those pings indicating a new e-mail or instant message. One of those alerts on myspace saying I have some sort of message. A choppy song from my cell phone. Anything. I was desperate for something, anything. Yet, through all this, I sat there, and stared at my desktop. I sat there awaiting some sort of socialization, though, I initiated nothing.
My brother tells about some sort of cowboy party out on some property. I say no. I want socialization, but a different socialization. I was desperate, but not totally desperate. So, I sit and stare yet again.
Refresh myspace. Check my cellphone. Refresh myspace again. Check to make sure I’m online with instant messaging. Refresh myspace. Check my cellphone to see if the ringer is on. Refresh myspace. Then I hear a ping. A faint ping. It’s an instant message!
Yet, it’s from my brother, who is sitting but inches away from me. It says, “Don’t be a douchebag, come to the party with me.” Like me, my brother is only visiting town for a short time. Like me, he is equally desperate for the same socialization. (Checks cellphone). The desperation for a thing to do with our lives at that very moment. My brother is different than me though. He is one who will take any sort of socialization. I am a shy person in meeting new people. (Refresh myspace). I would be more willing to sit and stare, than socialize with people I don’t know. Apparently my desperation is lower than I had imagined.
(Checks e-mail) I tell him I won’t. He continues to talk to me about it. I say no. I sit and stare again. It has been an hour. (Refresh myspace). I start to think, “Do I really not want to go to this party?” I really do. The thing is, I knew my brother too well. He runs from group to group and knows everyone. I like to sit with a few friends. I’m content with that. Contentment is a good feeling.
(Refresh myspace) I ask my brother who will be at the party. He says nobody I know. I return to staring. I hear a ping. Again it’s my brother, who is close enough that he has his foot resting on my calf. He says, “Cute girls there.” This brings my attention up. I’m a fan of girls. Yet, I send a instant message right back to him saying, “So what.” What am I doing to myself? I start to think that I’m sabotaging myself. I want to learn to socialize better. I want to make friends. I want to do something. Yet, I say no.
(Refresh myspace) A ping rings through my ears. “Come on,” Comes up on my screen in a small black font. That same black font that synonymously goes with online socialization. Yet, tonight, I’m associating it to closely with happiness. Will I really be happy if it comes onto my screen? The answer is yes.
(Checks cellphone) I realize that what I’m doing is fruitless. I tell my brother that I will go with him if someone I know will go. He gives me a simple, “Ok.” I feel like I have just taken a large step towards something, yet, 10 minutes later, I’m still staring and doing nothing.
(Refresh myspace) I sit. I mope. I slouch. I meander on the edge of apathy. I hear a choppy bit of music erupt from my pocket.
It was my friend. Him and his girlfriend want to hang out after he drops off his sister. What do I feel? I feel luck. I was about to give in and just lay down. I was thinking about how pathetic I was being. How desperation was only going to a point before meeting up with apathy.
I have my night. I have my socialization. Am I happy now? More than anything.”
