Feel better.
I was feeling all depressed earlier because I was realizing how alone I felt.
Ok, it all started with me moving up to Redding. I did it to get a better job while in college. I knew that if I stayed in my hometown, I couldn’t make enough to save money for a place of my own, or enough to get my license back (~800$). So, I moved in with my dad. I wanted to be able to support my girl when she came back to this area in June, and I could only do so with money. Well, when I did this, I left ALL my friends behind in Red Bluff. I know nobody but my dad and cousin here in Redding. I’m not friends with my cousin really, we just don’t dislike each other, she’s very “preppy and jesus-y.”
After feeling like that, my friend Kevin calls me up from Red Bluff and is like, ”Heeey Gary (that’s how he talks), I got a party I’m going to later, you should totally come. I’ve got booze and a gay midget.”
First of all, he does have a gay midget. I’ve haven’t met him yet, but I’ve seen pics. Yea, he’s flaming, it’s so awesome.Ok, I have no gas money at all, because I need 55$ for my phone bill next month, plus gas money to school and work (eventually) and back. I have 95$~ in my account. Redding is a 30 minute drive from Red Bluff. I drive a truck. You do the math.
I get all depressed again, but during the conversation with him (lasting about 10 minutes), my friend Tanya texts me asking what’s up and such. After the call with Kevin, I call my girlfriend back and talk to her for like ~3 hours. After that, I remember the text and reply. About 20-30 minutes later, Tanya calls (by the way, Tanya is my girlfriend Elie’s sister and one of my best friends). She tells me about some stuff that happened and we talk about it. Then after that, we talk for like an hour and a half. It was awesome talking to a friend on the phone for longer than 10 minutes again.
I haven’t been able to do that in years. Usually, we’d just talk about where we’d meet, then go there and hang. But we got to talk for a while about just different shit. It was cool. When Elie and I get married, I’ll be really happy to have such a cool friend as a sister-in-law. Plus, I think her boyfriend is a really cool guy too. Quiet like me, but can be really fun, most definitely one of the nicest people I have ever met too.
And that is my night. Now I’m going to play a bit of WoW or Oblivion. Haven’t decided yet.
Future-esque-ish-ness
The side of my finger is really fucking sore and hard from guitar hero last night. Good news is though, I finally got past carry me home on hard last night. It’s been my bane the past two weeks because it’s sat there mocking me, and I couldn’t do anything about it since I had so much homework. Well, last night, I finally got it. It was that fucking intro that’d fuck me over though, I’d get 6-11 percent and fail. After I got past about 16% of the song, I totally got the rest of it.
After that, I got from psychobilly up until free bird before failing again. I felt pretty good about that. But once I got to free bird, I just thought, “Fuck, time to fail.” And I did after 76%. Pwnt 
.
Another accomplishment last night was finally completing every math assignment for the entire semester in my math class last night. Now I just need to take the tests and I’m done. So I’ll be a busy fucking guy this week. Finals are next monday and tuesday, and a possible wednesday math final if I don’t finish it this week. Either way, I’ll be leaving fremont for good to move back to Red Bluff for a bit.
I don’t plan on staying in RB forever, but really, college is the last time I get to act young and kind of care-free, and I’d like friends for that. I have about 2 and a half years left until I get my BA, and I don’t mind spending that time at home with friends going to school. A semester at shasta this fall, then transfer to chico to finish up. Live at home with mom during the summer, then move into my own place around the beginning of August. I think it’s a pretty decent plan. Now to just find someone who will also be moving into their own place around that time…..
Update on "Dangst"
So, she signed off IM, and was about to leave the house, when her dad walked in and asked where she was going. Caught. Damn. So she signs back on and says, “I got caught, won’t be able to try again either.”
At least we tried.
It sucks though, she’s such a cute cute girl, and I’ve had the crushies (you heard me Mike) on her for ages. When we used to hang out, she had a boyfriend, and she would always talk to me about him and whether or not she should break up with him or not over things. Well, apparently, that whole time, she was really just seeing if I would go out with her if she left him. Dang. I’m horrible at picking up hints from girls. So so so horrible. I wish I had picked up on that. I wish so much.
Truthfully, I think that she is the best looking girl I’ve ever had a chance with (well, that I liked back). Best thing is, she’s a really cool girl who is totally fun to hang out with.
I hope that she comes back to town again after I move back, I really want to hang out with her again.
Jeez, it’s been ages since I’ve flirted with a girl and been flirted with back, forgot how great it feels. I guess when you’re in a relationship for as long as I was, you get comfortable.
I’m glad that I know I at least have a chance with her though lol. It is pretty disappointing that we didn’t get to hang out though. Even if we just sat around and talked, I would have been totally happy with it. I’m not the kind of guy who would date a girl just for the physical parts, not at all. Truthfully, I would have trouble doing a one-night stand, just not that type of guy I guess. But since I’ve known Elie for so long, I was really looking forward to having a fun make-out time with her I guess lol.
I mean, I’ve always had girls be forward with me in the past (I mean really forward with some), but never really accepted it. But certain girls, I can’t help it, you know? Still, I’ve only ever kissed one girl in my life.
Anyways, there’s my night. Got my hopes up for a fun time with an old friend I’ve missed, and then got them shot right back down lol. I’m done for now than. Can’t think of anyone else to talk to or hang out with. I guess I’m done for the weekend socially. It’s ok though, just 3 more weeks until I’m back for good.
-Gary
Old friends
So, I found an old friend on myspace the other day. About two years ago, we used to hang out as friends a lot. I always thought she was cute, but she went out with my older brother, so couldn’t do anything about that. Like, even after they broke up, and I found out she kinda liked me, I still would have felt so dirty going out with her right after my brother had, my brother is like my best friend.
Either way, now that I’m moving back, and my brother is in NC and relatively over it, I think I’m free. Once I get back, I think I’ll take her to a movie. I don’t think it’ll get more than just friends, but still, I still want to. Plus, she’s just such a fun friend.
I’m kinda trying to get back together with old friends I lost a while ago. Even though I don’t like to think it, I lost a lot of friends when I got my girlfriend. I just wanted to spend more time with her and got out of contact with everyone. A lot of my friends were girls though, so that was also part of it. I would have felt bad still hanging out with certain girls when I had Deedra. Well, now I can try and get in contact with them again.
There are a few certain friends I really want to start hanging out with again.
Lena
Brianna
Ashley
Nathan
Caitlin
Adam
Alex
Sean
Kevin
Jaridann
Zech
Kris
Can finally get back together with my old friends, hope it’s as easy as I hope.
What am I going to do….
Why does bad shit always have to happen. Things might not be going the best, but they are going well enough to get you through life. But then something always has to happen to really ruin it. Not just happy days of joy, but just your plans of life in general.
I had planned to move back to Red Bluff and live with my mom for a few months before I get a job to get an apartment. I have about 1100 in the bank sitting there for the soul reason of getting an apartment. I won’t use it for anything else. Well guess what? Shit happened.
My mom is on disability for severe depression, has been my whole life. We have always just barely gotten by. When we moved to Red Bluff when I was about 8-9, we moved into my great grandparents house to take care of it (great grandfather just died, and my great grandmother was in a nursing home after a sever stroke). There was no rent since they had built it back in the 10’s to 20’s. We had our own well, so no water bill. Only real bill was the phone and electric, and those are small. Well, after a few years, my grandmother finally passed on. A while after this, we find out my uncle (one in charge of their finances) put off putting the house in my mother’s mother’s name. So that never happened. Because of this, the government said he had to sell the house and give them the money. He said we had about 5 years to sell it and get out. Well, about 2 years later, we have an eviction notice taped to the door, that if we don’t get out in 3 days, a sheriff will make us.
My mom had no clue what to do, my uncle said we could stay in it for 5 more years before they could sell it, but he lied. He also would not reply to our calls or any of my whole families’ calls. My mom was just asking if he could wait until the end of the month when she got her check, but he wouldn’t even let us contact him. We had to pack our things and get out. My entire family gave us money to get a place then. My mom got an apartment for us. I moved a month later to Fremont. While here, my mother moved again to a cheaper place. In fact, the cheapest place she was able to find.
Well, since then, my dad cut off my part of the child support. After paying the bills, and buying the cheapest food she could, my mom usually has about 20-40 dollars left. Before my dad cut it off, she was getting 400$ a month, now she’ll get 100$ a month. I don’t see how my mom will be able to do it. Getting 400 a month, she had 20-40$ left, now she’s getting 100 a month from him. I just don’t know.
I was planning on moving in with her when I got back, but I could never do that now. I can’t put that on her shoulders too. I could easily move in with my father in Redding (about 45 minutes north of Red Bluff), but after him doing this, I don’t want to be that close to him.
So, this leaves me with a new option.
I get to sleep around at people’s houses and in my truck, and maybe crash at my mom’s house every once in a while. Once I get a job, I’ll be better off, but not much. I have the money now to put a deposit down for a crappy apartment, but I don’t have the income to pay rent after that. So I’ll be sleeping where I can while trying to get a job. Once I do that, I’ll get a place.
I would really like to get a roommate to help with the rent, if I did, I could get a place right away I think. I don’t know, this will take some careful shit to get right.
Can you tell just how much I hate living here in Fremont? I’m willing to be homeless just to move away.
